Of Loss and Legacies
by PMSallume
Summary: Immediately after Phantom Menace. Obi Wan goes to Yoda with uncertainty in his heart.


Of Loss and Legacies

Walking through the corridors and halls of the temple, Obi Wan felt as though half of him had been cut away. So many times he had taken this same path with the taller figure of his mentor and guide next to him. It almost seemed as if Qui Gon was there still, and in a sense, his master was with him, through the Force, he believed that in his thoughts. His heart though, felt the emptiness of loss.  
Anakin had been taken to the clan dormitories for his room and training assignments for lessons with the other younglings. This gave the new Jedi Knight some time alone to adjust to his new station and responsibilities. And his loss. He still felt as if he were a padawan, his hair was still short, having his braid cut off by Yoda himself only the previous day. They had tested him only as a formality, he had passed at least two of his trials during the fighting on Naboo.  
Obi Wan shifted his cloak on his shoulders and kept up the pretense of being a mature Jedi Knight. Many of the faces he passed, he knew from his early padawan years. Obi Wan didn't feel much in a social mood at the moment and avoided making eye contact. A part of his life had changed irrevocably and suddenly, it was a loss he had never felt so deeply before. So many times they had been separated due to circumstance, combat or personal conflict, but he had always been able to find his master through the Force, Qui Gon's centered calm had always been a beacon for Obi Wan. Now there was a hole where once he found wisdom, insight and guidance when he was troubled.  
Taking a deep breath, he stood in front of Master Yoda's door and signaled his presence. The high pitched, scratchy voice called him by name to enter and the young knight entered and bowed to the Master Jedi. The ancient Jedi master sat on a round couch and watched carefully as Obi Wan sat across from him.  
"Troubled you are, Obi Wan?" Obi Wan folded his legs under him, folding his arms inside his sleeves. He composed himself to try and voice what was in his heart.  
"I am feeling...inadequate, Master Yoda. " That was the best way he could put it in front of the Master that had instructed him in meditation and the Jedi Code. Yoda's ears drooped slightly and his head tilted to the side in thought.  
"Inadequate? Unanimous, the council was, on conferring you knighthood Obi Wan. An error in judgement this is?" Obi Wan had never been good at communicating personal issues, words seemed to fail him. He had the distinct impression that Yoda knew what he was trying to say and was drawing it out of him.  
"No Master Yoda, it's more a feeling of being adrift. I'm not sure of my abilities to teach the boy as Qui Gon taught me." There, he had said it in the closest terms he found to describe his loss. He dropped his head, as if admitting to a serious flaw. Master Yoda put a finger on his chin in thought, satisfied that Obi Wan had found a way through his emotions.  
"Ah. grieve him you do. Understandable this is, bonded you were with Master Qui Gon."Obi Wan sat quietly, the emptiness in his heart nearly overwhelming him at Yoda's statement.  
"No shame in grieving for lost friends there is. " Yoda's head drooped in thought or possibly his own grief. The deep sigh that escaped Yoda caught Obi Wan's attention. He always had the impression that Yoda never approved of Qui Gon. He didn't quite know what to ask then, as it would be impolite to ask about Yoda's personal feelings.  
The masters green head lifted again and he looked at Obi Wan with a softer expression. The light coming through the slats in the window gave a soft glow to the room, casting Master Yoda in alternating bars of shadow and light.  
"Defiant, Master Qui Gon was, regarding the decisions of the council. His own path he followed, always mindful of the Living Force he was. His counsel and strength, patience and skills... Missed he will be."  
There was a moment of silence between the young knight and the venerable Master. Obi Wan thought that Yoda had retreated into meditation then and considered doing the same thing. He had sought out Yoda for advice and council on how to deal with his feelings of loss and in turn, he discovered the Master had a similar knew very well that there is no true death for a Jedi, Qui Gon had became one with the Force, releasing his hold on the physical plane and merging his energy with that of the universe. Despite that knowledge, there was still the very human attachment to the presence in his life that had been a mentor, father, teacher and friend. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he found his confusion and loss easing somewhat.  
"Dwell on this loss we must not, look to the future we must. Attachment to people, places, a path to the Dark Side is. When training of Skywalker begins, mindful of your master, you must be."  
"Thank you Master, I will." He nodded thanks and then stood and bowed fully before he left.

Walking back through the temple again, Obi Wan felt taller, the burden of his thoughts and hi sense of loss eased by Master Yoda's words. He now sensed his past walking with him, shadowing him as he faced the next generation and the future of the Jedi.


End file.
